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Song Parody: If I Had a Million Kaizens

Apr 18, 2020

Republished from Mark Graban’s Lean Blog
By Mark Graban
leanblog.org

I was cleaning out my hard drive (I hesitate to call that “5S-ing”)… moving some files to an external disk and deleting others.

I stumbled across something fun that I wrote back in 2012. I don’t think I ever published it here because I was probably going to try to find somebody to record it musically. Actually, upon review, I probably didn’t publish it because it wasn’t that great.

I’ve tried revising it a bit… it’s pretty lousy, but oh well. I needed a diversion during these trying times. I’m open to suggestions for the lyrics or adding a verse (leave a comment below).

It would be amazing if anybody reading this would like to record this to share (with whatever lyrical tweaks you’d have to make). I guess it’s by nature a duet. I cannot sing, so don’t ask me to do it with you, LOL.

It’s a parody of a Barenaked Ladies song, of course. I saw them in concert first in Boston back in 1997 (when I was in grad school). I also had the chance to see the current version of the band last summer in Dallas. It’s not the same without Steven Page, but it was still amazing.

One time, flying back from Toronto to DFW, the entire band was up in first class (as I could see while boarding and from my seat in the front part of coach).

So the song is “If I Had a Million Dollars.”

Maybe that’s appropriate for Lean, because there is a book called 40 Years, 20 Million Ideas: The Toyota Suggestion System – I own a copy.

Here’s the song:

If I Had a Million Kaizens

With apologies to BNL

If I had a million kaizens (If I had a million kaizens)
Well I’d 5S your house (I would 5S your house)
If I had a million kaizens (If I had a million kaizens)
I’d not buy furniture for your house (maybe we could just rearrange the room)
If I had a million kaizens (If I had a million kaizens)
I’d buy you a Camry (a nice reliable automobile)
If I had a million kaizens, our employees would love…

If I had a million kaizens
I’d build up employee engagement
If I had a million kaizens
You could help it wouldn’t be that hard
If I had a million kaizens
(Maybe we could put a little tiny right-sized fridge in there somewhere)

If I had a million kaizens (If I had a million kaizens)
I’d buy you a Lean book (but not a Lean Sigma book that’s cruel)
If I had a million kaizens (If I had a million kaizens)
I’d eliminate waste from your work (like motion or processing)
If I had a million kaizens (If I had a million kaizens)
I’d buy you all of colors of 5S tape (All them crazy electrical tapes)
If I had a million kaizens, our employees would love….

If I had a million kaizens
We wouldn’t have to search for supplies
If I had a million kaizens
Our healthcare wouldn’t cost more
If I had a million kaizens

We wouldn’t have to serve toast for dinner (but our cafeteria would, because Bruce Hamilton likes it anyway)

If I had a million kaizens (If I had a million kaizens)
I’d buy you green scrubs (but only if I had your buy in)
If I had a million kaizens (If I had a million kaizens)
I’d buy you another Lean book (An Ohno or a Jeff Liker)
If I had a million kaizens (If I had a million kaizens)
I’d buy you a huddle board (haven’t you always wanted a huddle board?)
If I had a million kaizens (If I had a million kaizens)

If I had a million kaizens…
If I had a million kaizens I’d be RICH!

Mark Graban is an internationally-recognized consultantauthor, and professional speaker who has worked in healthcare, manufacturing, and startups. His latest book is Measures of Success: React Less, Lead Better, Improve More. He is author of the Shingo Award-winning books Lean Hospitals and Healthcare Kaizen, as well as The Executive Guide to Healthcare Kaizen. He also published the anthology Practicing Lean that benefits the Louise H. Batz Patient Safety Foundation, where Mark is a board member. Mark is also a Senior Advisor to the technology company KaiNexus.

Original Article: https://www.leanblog.org/2020/04/if-i-had-a-million-kaizens/

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